March 29, 2012 One Year Death Anniversary

         Maricar Paglicauan is my "Host Mother". Her husband, and father of Jerome, Marjery and A.J., is Neil, who died of cancer March 29, 2011. (I arrived only 5 1/2 months later.) For a year Maricar has worn only black or white but no lively colors. Every 29th of the month we have had prayers in the late afternoon, right after Maricar returns from work. The family gathered in the living room and a handful of neighbors and friends trickled in and the rosary began, ending about 1/2 hour later. Neil's picture is on a table with a candle and flowers. The family sat in a row of chairs in front of him. Again, as at the All Saints Day, I had the sense that we are sitting with Neil, he is just in a different realm.  When prayers ended, the visitors moved to the eating area off the kitchen, settled in around the table with Ate Norma (they are mostly her friends) and ate a hot meal. I took Maricar's lead as she and her children retreated upstairs. When the house was emptied of visitors we went back downstairs to eat. This was the pattern every 29th. 
         Then March arrived and it was crazy-busy! We had the daylong town fiesta on the 19th, during which we had about 200 visitors popping in and out from morning until late at night. The house was full of family from out of town. Maricar's sister and brother and their families came from Manila and stayed here. The next big event would be the One Year Death Anniversary. Every evening we observed a novena- nine days of rosary and other prayers- and every day was preparation for the feast on the anniversary. Every evening a few more people joined the prayers and every day more groceries arrived. The family was expecting about 500, dwarfing the crowd that came on fiesta. The families from Manila arrived again and mattresses were placed on the floor to accomodate them and the helpers they brought. This time brother Noel is here from Israel, where he lives and works. So Ate Norma's children and grandchildren were all here together. It has been very nice. (And all this month was a whirlwind of school activities because this is the last month before summer break, plus practices for the Easter pagents and concerts the family is involved in.)
Back to the food- I have cooked for many crowds of up to 150 or so, but 500? I really enjoyed watching these masterly homemakers-
Tarps and tents and tables and chairs were rented and set up, filling the yard, the big porch and the house. Every day there were a few more multiples of dishes. Dozens of flans, dozens of jelled fruit salads... I walked home from school on the 28th, and glanced through the fence into the shady yard and saw a whole hog being cut up. The butchers continued working on that meat around the  clock. They rested in early morning and then cooked again until midday. The head cook wanted to know if I liked the food and I wanted to give him the thumbs-up, but when I looked up from our pretty table, white tablecloth and porcelain dishes, my friends and I saw him off in the leafy corner, slunk down on the ground in a drunken doze, propped against the leg of the table he had chopped on.
A few logistics of large-scale cooking:

A few bananas...

a few eggs...

some vegetables... (and my bike, which stays inside for safekeeping and they wouldn't hear of me taking it out even for this.)

water...

!!!

the pig...

chicken...

cooks willing to work around the clock... (it is fully dark at this point and they did all their work outside under single light bulbs)

three of five basins of the finished kaldareta...

cleaning and sorting chicken...

and of course, a little rice. This is one of two bags we had delivered! (fruit salad on the table.)

You rent a few dishes....

and you're ready to serve. (Maricar on the left with Myla).(There was a separate table for the desserts.)

The final prayers lasted about an hour, interspersed with songs. At a critical point a person entered the room and placed the white clothes on the heads of the females of the immediate family. There are about 100 people in this room.

The teachers at school had been invited, and we ate all together at one of the tables outside.That is when we saw the sleeping cook. Before they left to return to school, they told me to watch for what happens at 3PM. 

          A few hours later the house was pretty empty and I thought it was just a lull in the visitors and I expected to hear more arrive. Instead, all of a sudden there was a great flurry of activity! Curious, I looked out my window and saw the rental company arrive and they were rapidly stacking the hundreds of chairs and the tables and were loading them. It seemed odd, and that's when I remembered to check the time. It was 2:30PM.  I went downstairs and the family had already cleaned and were doing the last of the dishes and sweeping and mopping the floor. It reminded me of the help the Amish give each other after a party. When I reported all this to the teachers they explained that it isn't just about helping, it is the eradication of the bad or grievous spirits that have visited the household for this year. The mourning has been fulfilled, now that is chased away and all is fresh. All traces of the event are gone, including leftover food, which is given away. Nothing remains and all is cleaned away.

          The afternoon was relaxing and quiet family visiting. 

These children are of Neil's side of the family. We were really having fun visiting. The boy in light blue told me I was the most beautiful American he'd ever met. I asked him if he had ever met another American and, of course, he said no.

Some of our family with Neil in the middle, and Maricar in front on the left in the blue t-shirt she had changed into  after prayers.